I’m on this whole issue regarding fear right now because I see so much of it. As I sat and thought today about how far we will go when it relates to fear, I shook my head and asked, “God what is the solution”? I know that the problem lies within us, because the truth is never far. Much of the time we have the answer and don’t realize it has been there all the time. Sometimes we do have the answer but not sure how to execute it or know just what to do with it. We allow fear to infiltrate our homes (personal lives), work, spiritual and our physical lives, and at some point, enough has to be enough.
KJ says that there are times on his job where things get out of order and in disarray. He works with quite a few elderly women. He mentioned how sometimes he doesn’t want to say certain to them because they are elderly but on the other hand it is usually something that needs to be said. I began thinking, are they fragile? Will they break if you give them bad news? He indicated that he doesn’t want them thinking a certain way or that he is doing something to intentionally hurt them. Again, my thought was why not just give an explanation or direction if you fear (yes fear) something going the wrong way or being perceived incorrectly. The bottom line we have to begin asking ourselves why we are choosing to do or not to do a certain thing. We must think about how it affects us? Why we are doing it? What were we feeling prior to or after doing that thing that we should have or shouldn’t have done.
Tracy has a daughter that she has been speaking with about drugs and the consequences that come with that territory. She had been dabbling with certain drugs and before she realized what happened; she appeared to have a full-blown problem. Her daughter has the desire to marry and have a baby but cant seem to get passed her addiction. Much of the drug concern is prescription drugs and the other concern is that she is the one who makes the pharmacy runs to pick up the prescriptions for her daughter. When asking her why she continues to enable her daughter, Tracy said she “doesn’t want to hear her daughters mouth”. So I asked, aren’t you going to hear her mouth anyway? And if you do hear her mouth, isn’t that better than not hearing her voice at all because she is sick or worse than that… dead? The daughter is unable to make her pharmacy pickups due to the hours that she works… they live in a small town where the pharmacy and other stores close early. She uses her mother and her mother allows it. Is life so black and white? Is it is easier said than done? Can we really say what we would do in a situation before we have to walk through it? When we love someone why can’t we just say, I choose love and not to hurt you? I refuse to contribute in killing you. When the daughter is unable to get her mom to pick up her prescriptions, the daughter will drag her boyfriend into it. Tracy is not the only enabler co-dependent person in this world. Her mom is fearful. She fears what she will do if she has to go out to get the prescription herself. She fears that her daughter may not come home (she not at home even when she is physically there-the meds take her to another place). Her mom is fearful of the “post part of what if” . . . What is I say no? What will she do then? What if I just refuse to be involved with it any more; what will the result be?
I sat and thought of KJ and of Tracy and yet other things where we fear the final outcome or reactions, the consequences, or a little push backs; and the times when we refuse to stand and say truth. While thinking on these things, my focus turned to a commercial on the tv. Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo, better known as Dikembe Motombo … he was blocking various items that he didn’t want. If you are not sure of who he is; he is a professional basketball player, born Jun 25, 1966 in the country of Democratic Republic of the Congo. He was a The 7 ft 2 in (2.18 m), 260-pound (120 kg; 19 st) NBA center is commonly referred to as one of the greatest shot blockers and defensive players of all time. Mutombo won the NBA Defensive Player of the Year Award four times and was an eight-time All-Star. He was one of the league’s second most prolific shot blocker, in terms of career blocked shots, in NBA history, behind only Hakeem Olajuwon. In the second game of the first round of the 2009 NBA playoffs, Mutombo suffered a knee injury that kept him out for the remainder of the postseason. Soon after the injury, Mutombo announced he had played his last game in the NBA. He was 2nd in all-time.
It would be great if we actually lived in the home of the free and the brave. A place where leaders, parents, managers, those in charge would actually take responsibility for the shortcomings, corruption and wastefulness that is endured, tolerated, and abused everyday, right under our noses. To at least speak up and speak out those things that are wrong; to do our part in making things better; to simply say to those who have moved over to the wrong side . . . I love you, I want you well; I want to help in anyway that doesn’t bring pain or destruction to either of us. I want us to succeed, but I can not do what you are asking, I cannot agree with the behavior, I can not keep you in this position if you are not willing, I have to tell you this and it feels more painful to say it than possibly for you to hear it, but the answer is ‘No’. Not in my house. It would be great to be in authority at all times and draw on our confidence and the confidence of others to promote the strength and never show weakness or fear. We live in a country where we all seem to be in blissful denial. Making good choices, speaking the truth and being responsible begins at home. Home – not being a specific location or your house but the instead it is the place responsible for teaching you; for equipping you with what you need in a proactive manner. Home could be a person – i.e. your supervisor. Many leaders, parents, supervisors, friends, governments prefer to point their accusing fingers at others and few are willing to lead. No one is perfect – that list includes those of us who lead. So even if we fear what others might say about us and our imperfections we still have to be willing to take a stance to do your best even when we fear it. We cannot lack the will to confront dishonesty, our own fears, or saying something when we know that we and/or those around us are falling and not doing our best. We don’t have to be great or walk in perfection to implement an action plan that simply says I am going to stand on the side of “right”. I will not pretend that there is nothing wrong, in any area of my life, when I know there is a problem. Many times the salaries, awards, or even acknowledgement of good people are notoriously low and as a result good people may go else where; especially when they can see that leaders choose to give in, give up, or do nothing due to the things that they fear. Do you feel that we are living in a society where we have to lie to one another? Do you fear speaking HONESTLY to those in authority over you? Has lying become second nature? It is bad when we know that others are looking, yet we still create loopholes for wrongdoing, corruption or enabling others instead of just saying, ‘I would rather not’. I think fear would minimize if we began to open our mouths to truth in spite of what we feel.
I don’t like it when corruption saturates and area and you see those, who out of fear, or what ever else, learn to live with it as it slowly changes into a simple way of life. As of late, I’ve spoken with a few high ranking authorities who say that in their line of business they showed that even their surveys bring out the fact that corruption is their most serious problem. They realize the intimidation and wrong doing, however, according to them the officials immediately above them do nothing about it and don’t want to hear it nor do they want to believe that it is an obstacle to their business, department etc. The higher officials re-assure them that they will simply adapt to the companies reality soon. Because no one wants to rock the boat or be a super hero, they embrace the fact that the fear of saying anything more will cause disfavor. Wouldn’t it be something if the heads or the leaders of any single entity were held responsible for any wrong that occurred on their time? Would you be surprised if initiatives to right, fail to achieve their objectives because of the state of our fear at this moment? One of my homeless friends, Stacie, says fearful people may think that playing the game by the rules never works for every day people. She says they believe that those people are targeted more than those who hold the perception that they have power or powerful connections. Stacie says that we need more real people. She says your legs can still walk when your fearful, your mouth still moves, your senses sill work and we all still have the ability to walk forward in truth. What you allow in your house is a choice that can eventually turn to habit. Fear is not allowed in my house. While it may come and knock on the door, try to tempt me into opening it, or sale me something; I am the keeper of the door. Even if I have an adverse reaction, I will choose RIGHT. I thank God for being here, in this place, because I know what it’s like to choose wrong. I’m human and will continue to be. In choosing Right, I’m not doing it to leave out, to hurt someone else, to take something that doesn’t belong to me, to step on toes, burn bridges or cause problems. I’m saying this for my benefits as well as yours and may we remember it in a time of storm. Fear is temporary.
Quiet by Nature