I’ve watched the relationship of one of male friends and his daughter over the past 3-4 years. The relationship is strained at times but there are occasions when they can make it through some rough spots. The daughter went through devastation when her mother died and she felt that her father was never there for her. And she is correct. For a brief moment he checked out of the world and didn’t want to be bothered. People grief in various ways. Meanwhile the daughter needed him but he was no where to be found. The daughter, now a grown up, with a one child out of wedlock and is living on her on. She is normally not too good with saving or keeping money and has had to be bailed out of some tight situations, a time or two. No matter what dad has been there. He has so much time that he lost and can never get back and he honestly wants the very best for his daughter and granddaughter. The daughter always holds the unforgiveness over her dads head. She says with her mouth that she has forgiven but she is the type to consistently bring up the past when she’s angry.
Six months ago Thea, short for Theadora (the daughter) informed her dad that she would be getting married soon to a guy that she has been seeing for the past year and a half. To her surprise, Max (her dad) would not give his blessing and Thea is enraged. She cannot believe that her dad would stoop this low to hate the man that she loves. Max tries to assure her that he does not hate her male friend or anyone else for that matter. Thea will not hear of it. She begins bringing in the problems of the past instead of trying to listen to what was currently being said. She can’t believe how her father could hate her so much. She demands to know why Max will not give his blessing for her marriage.. When Max begins to speak; she speaks over him. He is silent and allows her to finish. When he begins again; once there is a break in the one sided conversation she speaks; only for her to begging yelling and talking over him again.
When will the pain heal, so life can begin?
The wedding is tomorrow and Max still plans to attend but is still not giving his blessing. Thea has promised him after the wedding that her, new husband and the her child will leave and never return. Even still Max tells Thea that he loves her more than life itself and he will miss her and his grandchild dearly if they decide to leave. I wasn’t invited to the small wedding but can’t wait to hear the details. Max tried to reach out to Thea many times hoping to have a conversation instead of a yelling match, but Thea refuses.
Today (the Wedding Eve so-to-speak) as I sat and thought about Max and all that has transpired over the past few years, I decided to write the words that may never be said:
I am not perfect, I have messed up many times in the past. I will mess again in the future. I make mistakes. While I support you, I suppose I wanted to try to prevent you from making a mistake – they are over rated and painful, at times. When you received the $10,000 bonuses from work, I tried encouraging you to save and gave advice on how to do so. I also encouraged you to pay those you owe so you wouldn’t have the debt hanging over your head. Instead the money left fast and there is no trail of where it went. Two months later the rent was over 3 months past due as well as some of the utilities. With no words said, I helped and all was well.
Money was given as a deposit to move into another place once you were evicted. But you chose to be a bad tenant and didn’t take care of the new place and again an eviction came knocking. The $4000 to bail out of both places was never mention because it was gone and it was not coming back. The boyfriend never tried to help and couldn’t be found during the times of crisis. You have to know that this is not about money although certain dollar amounts are begin mentioned.
The most current eviction landed you back at home and the boyfriend on his own. I stop after work to pick up dinner for you and my grandchild only to find my grandchild downstairs alone with boxes of cereal spilled out over the floor and you in one of the upstairs bedrooms with the boyfriend doing things I would never have dared in my parents home. You packed your bags to go and live with the boyfriend. While there marijuana became a recreation for the two of you in front of the grand child who is 9 years old and understands more than you think. When attempting to have talk with you about this I was told that it is not my business one my household and the phone lost the connection.
A week later you needed money for gas and grocery, you nor the boyfriend could provided for you or your child. Truly I din’t mind so I brought food and money of gasoline although both you and the boyfriend have jobs. A month later both you and the boyfriend were fighting and my granddaughter called me. When I drove up I noticed that some of your neighbors had already called 911 because of the disturbance.
These are only a few things and it would make no sense for me to list each and every time and we all realize and know that there have been many. This unraveled knot that cannot be tied is not because I hate you, because I had the man that you now say that you love (the same man who threw your daughter out of house because she had called me). Who locks a 9 year old out in the cold? This is the person that you are ready to marry, all of sudden now. My advice to you is counseling, but again you get so enraged at the thought of it. Why? No, this is not to point fingers because the two of you are in this together along with an innocent life. You say that you want to tie the unraveled knot, get hitched, married. I say you are looking a dress, and event, what your friends will say. All of the other relatives approve of your BIG day and can’t understand why I am giving you negative feedback and refusing to give my blessing.
I am agreeing to give you love in hopes that you will love yourself enough, your child enough to seek greater. Of course the family promotes and agrees with weddings. They have not seen the ways of the household. These are not things that have happen so long ago but a week ago, a couple of days ago. I want the very best for you. No, I am not struggling against you, but for you to help in any way that I can. I will never turn my back or not support you, but as far a blessing a marriage that you don’t even want and you’re too stubborn to admit it. If you say “yes” it is supposed to be forever. Yes, what this is about is ‘forever’. What are you ready for?
Nearly Beloved! Do We Invest MORE On The Day Than On The Lifetime? (jenniferkeittpointofview.wordpress.com)