Surrender

I’ve learned to take life as it comes and in this life because of the unknowns, it doesn’t always pan out the way I plan. Regardless of how or what the day brings I have made the decision to do the right thing, to choose the correct path, and journey the road less traveled. It is not the popular way by any means. It can get down right lonely at times. It can be very painful, but no matter I have learned the hard way that the “other way” is not all that. I have done things my own way; I have tried to live life with no rules, no boundaries or checks and balances in place. I tried stepping out to do my own thing. If you searched the dictionary for “Independent”, not only did I believe that you would see my picture there but my entire house, car, job… all my stuff would be there. I thought that I was the epitome of independence. I thought it (independent) was my middle name. I believed that I could live in this world with no help, with no one and claim every victory. I know now that “I am not so suchy much”. I lied to myself. It’s hard when you make mistakes, mess up your life and do things that you know you shouldn’t only to look around and find that no one else was involved. There is no one to blame but you (ME). So I made the decision to change, to wish, dream and hope for something better. I wanted to be better. And so I began…

What would happen if I told the truth? What would happen if I chose life? What would happen if I let go? What would happen if I decided not to follow myself nor the crowd, but just to do what is right; to live right? Why not take the chance and find out? Why not begin today? It doesn’t matter the shape that I am in today. It doesn’t matter how or who I am when I begin but what matters is that I begin. I plan to finish strong. It doesn’t even matter that almost every area of my life needs a transformation. I decided not to focus on that. You know the old saying… by the inch, it’s a cinch but by the yard is very hard. I decided only to work an inch at a time. I believed that I would know when I was ready to take on more than that. I made the decision to work on me no matter the cost, no matter if I lost friends (associates), if it caused me times of loneliness,  frustration, or disappointment; no matter if I fell, even if it hurts I planned move forward in the right direction. The first few seconds of this decision was quite easy, but after that I literally had to walk it out in millimeters as opposed to inches. But as long as I kept moving, I found something to be grateful for. Even during times of rest, I was still moving forward. I used to be one that wouldn’t take the time to give my body the essentials that it needed -to continue going. Rest is still a positive action and is needed.

There were times when I have felt like giving up, throwing in the towel and just saying “forget it”. There are times when I became sad, angry, frustrated and fill with every emotion possible. There are those moments when I feel that if change doesn’t happen soon that I lose my mind. When I let it all go, when I released it from my grasp, when I surrendered, it is strange and amazing how things began to happen, life changed (for the better) in some ways over night. Tomorrow may or may not come, but I have made the choice to show up today, to live today and to participate in my own life, in this moment.

Quiet

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